Monday, September 29, 2008

Visceral Manhattan.

Today, a very close, wonderful friend nudged me to an important realization.

New York has changed me; and it's not New York's fault - it's mine. Through all this internal clutter - job hunting, money scrounging/wasting/making, life's little stresses and life's big ones - I've lost track of what's really important. I've neglected my loves, my relationships, my friends. I've become so consumed with living, growing into this strange mutant version of myself, scrambling for success, survival on my own terms, that I haven't been there for the people that I love and the people that count on me. And, wow, learning that really hurts.

Click "Read More" for the rest.

This cerebral black hole I've created needs to implode on itself. The tunnel vision needs to stop - the mixed metaphors need to end NOW! Instead of obsessing over what I don't have or what I need to attain, I will nurture what I DO have. I will enjoy where I am and the people around me. I will not take for granted the love in my life, and I will invite new love in.

Thank know who you are.

Oh, and all these photos are ones I've taken here in NYC....except for the last one, which is my Mom on the beach in Massachusetts. Love.

1 comment:

rafael said...

It's very easy to forget what is important, but at least you think that you have no one to blame but yourself, so its all up to you to try to not forget whats important. I prefer to blame others for this, but perhaps its my fault as well. My question is how the fuck do you remind yourself? It's so fucking easy to get caught up in various kinds of bullshit.

I've created many "cerebral black holes" and I promise myself things based on the outcome of other things, or I prioritize "important" things based on the end of something that is sucking the fucking life out of me, that really isn't important at all.

It is understandable (to me at least) that you can neglect certain things based on your unhappiness with another situation, like your job/livelihood/etc. It's unfortunate when bad times or situations drag out to point where you consume yourself with them, and for that I am sorry for you.

I feel that in the United States, and especially in NY, people are consumed by money, career, materialism, and consumerism, etc. From what I've these things aren't so prominent in Europe/Asia.

It's good that you got your "kick in the ass" but the key is to not forget whats "important" and not return to where you were, and that, as you know is pretty fucking easy to do. So how the fuck do you prevent yourself from forgetting? That's what I want know. Post-it notes everywhere? Cell-phone banners/greetings? I've tried the latter believe it or not.

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