Sunday, September 14, 2008

Putting the "Fun" in Dysfunction - Adri Leya Style

I don't like to discuss my love life publicly at Happy Blogtime - I've clearly never made mention of it previously (not even my sex life - you can turn to Lucy Vonne for THAT). I don't think broadcasting my romantic ventures is fair to the other person (or people??) involved - so I kiss, but never tell.

Click "Read More" for the rest!

For over a year and a half, I've purposely abstained from any sort of "real" relationship beyond casual dating. I've tried to take this time to gain control of my life without any emotional roadblocks to stifle me, and attempt to experience an independence that's not possible when you're in love, or trying to be in love.

After this seemingly long hiatus, and a developed comfort with myself that I never before had, I've decided to take a dip into the dating pool once again. And let me tell you, sister friend - the guys here in New York are either all very colorfully disturbed, or I'm simply falling into my old habits. A motley of men have entered my life with the issues that I've painstakingly "tried" to avoid: guys cheating on their girlfriends; bad boys trying to turn good but not quite cutting it; emotionally retarded/unavailable men who communicate only via text message; serial male whores trying to score a nut, and so on.

I'm not surprised that people do these things (I've had my fair share of awful relationships in the past - guys with 5 secret girlfriends; guys stepping out from our hangout session for a quick BJ from a disgusting pig-faced skank, etc., etc.). I don't like who I become when I'm with these men - suspicious, jealous, and stressed out. It drives me absolutely nuts to have to worry about whatever crap they're going to inflict upon me next - hence, why I took this extended dating hiatus.

Now listen, I'm not whining. I know that pretty much every other girl in the city of New York share these qualms, concerns, blah blah. I fall into the category of women, I suppose, who bitch about awful men, but place ourselves knowingly into these situations. I'm quite aware that I find myself in these circumstances because I'm attracted to them, for whatever latent psychological reason therin lies.

That being said, I'm hoping to Bejesus that I'll eventually fall for a respectful and honest guy who treats me like the gold I certainly deserve to be treated; but until then, I guess, (as dear Cara says), I'll just continue to keep putting the "fun" in dysfunction.


Lucy Vonne said...

Did our spooning the other night help? lol

T. Walters said...

For some reason, this really saddened me. Maybe it's because every single romatic comedy that takes place in a big city ends with a girl finding a perfect dude. It shouldn't be that hard.
Good luck, not that you need it.

Anonymous said...

My question here is, have you purposely abstained from pursuing anything deeper than casual dating, or is it more likely that most of the people you have casually dated were ones you did not see yourself falling in love with in the foreseeable future?

I think its most likely the latter.

Personally (if you give a shit) I go in a perpetual circle of where I get into one relationship, and for some reason, every relationship I get into, I think for some reason will be my last and will be the one where I live happily ever after. Most of the time is not the case, and then I go through about a year or so of complete celibacy so that I do not forget what is important. And by important it means that if I get complacent with regular sex from someone it will impede me from finding what I really want and really need. Occasionally I fuck up and get into some kinda sexual encounter and that reinforces my philosophy to "not fuck anyone I don't wanna be with."

And its not that I want to marry every woman I meet, or anything like that. Its just that when I get romantically involved with someone I respect, and can tolerate as a human being, they end up disappointing me in some way. Its a fucking shame.

Treating women like gold takes a lot out of you. With that also comes expectations. For example, its not easy to treat someone like gold, while they are treating you like shit. It takes a lot out of you. Makes you not wanna be nice to anyone for a while.

And as far as the fucking city goes, sure theres a lot of shit going on, but it can be a very lonely place sometimes as well. Do not watch romantic comedies, because they are very well written, and sometimes some people are blessed with shit like that happening in real life, but others are not.

Anyways, I'm going off topic. Most importantly, it is key that you be completely independent, which it sounds like you are doing. Ideally, you want to be the same person that you are right now, in and out of a relationship. Well, I don't know if that is what you really want, but you said you don't wanna be jealous/stressed/etc.

About 5 months ago, after one of my rounds of "not forgetting whats important" I decided to set a goal for myself. That I will get myself a girlfriend by my 29th birthday. So before I knew it I had a girlfriend, and sure I was happy as fuck. But now as my birthday is in 2 weeks, I think I have not only met my goal, but I shall exceed it, in that, I will have had and broken up with, a girlfriend. So, perhaps abstaining from "emotional roadblocks" is the way to go. People are seldom what they seem, even you can get past the initial dating bullshit without complete utter disgust. Its such a fucking disappointment when people decide to show you who they really are sometimes.

Maybe I should start one of these blog things. I love spewing my life to complete and total strangers.

But anyways, I think you're doing fine. There are plenty of assholes in NYC as well as the rest of the world. You just have to filter through them, have a good time, and not forget whats important. Best wishes.

Cara Underwood said...

As one of your lady friends who is also dealing with the City, and the men of the City, I have nothing but empathy for you.

And us.

I realize on one of your previous blogs, I sounded like a crazy ass, but I'm really not. I just strongly disagreed with what that guy advised the girl to do.

That being said, all you can do sometimes is not do anything. I've found its amazing what happens and what you can find when you stop searching. I'm not saying that you are, or that you have been, but keep living in the fabulousness that is simply Adri, and there are going to be more people interested in your package that are actually WORTHY of it than you will know what to do with. And by package, I mean ...

And on another note, as a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I really enjoyed what anonymous had to say. Well said, whoever you are. You should teach a class.

Anonymous said...

Based on all the posts about how you dont kiss and tell, i think it's safe to assume that you got some recently. congrats! i guess that means someone got you those henry rollins tickets you were getting moist over...

Adri Leya said...

heyyy anonymous #2 - you know what they say to those who assume. ;-)

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