Thursday, July 31, 2008

OMG: Stuff Jewish Young Adults Like

Thanks to Jennie for turning me on to this hirarious blog about my fellow Jewmericans. I KNEW there was some reason I sweat Shia LaBeouf.

Click "Read More" to see my favorite installment from the site: Denying That We Are White.


#42 Denying that they are White

July 28, 2008 by stuffjewishyoungadultslike

If you ask a Non Jew “What are you?” the likely response will be something like “I’m American,” or “I’m British.” On the other hand, if you ask a Jewish Young Adult the same question, the response will undoubtedly be “I’m Jewish” regardless of their nationality. In addition, if you ask a Non Jew about their ancestry, the response will be something like “I think my mom’s family is from Germany, and my dad’s is Scottish or Irish or something.” Conversely, any JYA will respond to the same question with an answer like “They were Polish Jews”, or “They were Russian Jews”, or “They were Moroccan Jews”.

Even though on standardized tests JYAs are obligated to check the “Caucasian, Non-Hispanic, including Middle Eastern” box, in practice the average JYA would prefer to check the “Other” box. Indeed, JYA “Jacob” says that he always writes in “Eastern European Jewish,” despite the fact that the available options make it clear that for the purposes of the survey, this additional information is irrelevant. This self imposed demarcation, with its anti-assimilationist undertones, is reinforced by countless academic articles written by Jewish Elders that further encourage JYAs to feel unique due to cultural, historical, or genetic “reasoning.”

When involved in discussions about race, a Non-Jew will be strenuously corrected if they make a statement that includes the JYA in the category of white, such as: “As white people, we look kind of stupid and racist quoting that Chris Rock sketch.”

“Oh I’m not white, I’m Jewish.” The JYA will correct.

Non-Jew “Christina” reported that her JYA boyfriend would explain his preference for warm temperatures by saying, “My people are a desert people.”

“It was weird though,” she recalled, “Because his grandparents were from Russia. And I was like, um, I don’t think there is a desert in Russia”.

Usually this racial obfuscation is as harmless as trust fund kids pretending to be hard up in Williamsburg while their parents transfer cash every month. But the invariable denial of Caucasianism, even though JYAs look at sound like White people, does leave one demographic group irked: Non-Ashkenazi Jews who actually are not White.

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THAT'S Lingerie? Putting Your Mouth Where Your Money Is, I Suppose.

I don't know about you, ladies, but when I wear lingerie, I like to keep it classy. Leather assless chaps with silver studs, edible bustiers and G-strings, and faux fur Playboy Bunny-shaped pasties all top the list. Twenty-year-old Japanese designer Midori Matsuo clearly agrees with my fashion aesthetic, creating the winning lingerie combination "Under Skin" at the 2008 Triumph Inspiration Awards in Beijing yesterday. Matsuo won 15,000 Euros (which, I think by now is about $40,00 USD...right?). She'll also get the chance to "see the showpiece adapted and interpreted by the Triumph design team, leading to series production of the set and would be sold in selected Triumph stores worldwide."

Try wearing those babies underneath pants or a skirt - people will start questioning your gender. You can just convince them that vagina padding is the hottest new thing, now that ass padding is soooo last season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Click "Read More" for the full press release of the 2008 Triumph Awards.

Inspiring Lingerie - Triumph Awards Midori Matsuo, 20, Japan, for the Most Inspiring Lingerie Design at the International Final of the Triumph Inspiration Award '08 in Beijing

BEIJING, China, July 31/PRNewswire/ -- On July 31st, fashion and design students from 31 countries and regions around the world, presented their showpieces to the world in a fabulous catwalk show at the Triumph Inspiration Award '08 in Beijing. An inspiring expert judging panel, consisting of the Dutch design duo Viktor & Rolf; Danish top model Helena Christensen; German fashion photography icon Ellen von Unwerth; colette's chief purchaser and creative director Sarah from Colette, and Chinese top model and actress Lv Yan together with Triumph's Jan Rosenberg, came to the decision which design piece deserves to be called the most inspired, and inspiring, of them all in 2008. Awarded their prizes by gold-medallist Linford Christie and actress Michelle Lee, the show was a true spectacle in pre-Olympic Beijing.

Midori Matsuo, 20, Japan, convinced the judging panel to be the winner of the Triumph Inspiration Award '08 with the design "Under Skin" and will pocket not only a cash prize of Euro 15,000 but also a career boosting limited edition of the winning piece. Midori Matsuo, 20, Japan, will see the showpiece adapted and interpreted by the Triumph design team, leading to series production of the set and would be sold in selected Triumph stores worldwide.Theresa Bachler, 21, Germany, with the design "Once Upon a Time..." will receive Euro 10,000 and Stine Fagervik-Rosen, 28, Norway, with "Desire for Beautiful Trash" will receive Euro 5,000.

All finalists from Europe, Africa, Asia, Latin America and Oceania met and competed in pre-Olympic Beijing on July 31st, 2008, at the avant-garde 798 Art Zone situated in the Dashanzi Area. Here in Beijing's bohemian quarter, the final was celebrated in the Factory Hall 706, which will be home to Switzerland's National House during the Olympic Period, the House of Switzerland.

At the grand final of the Triumph Inspiration Award '08, all competing finalists were under the scrutiny of the demanding juries. The international jury judged all entries according to the same criteria: innovation and creativity in interpreting the design theme "female fascination", individuality and uniqueness, concept, aesthetics, quality in design and execution, as well as presentation. "What we love most is the fact that the students were asked to free themselves of the commercial side of things - almost no restraints were put on their creativity", stated Viktor & Rolf.

The grand final the Triumph Inspiration Award, inaugurated this year, is a global design competition created by the lingerie specialist Triumph International. The Award challenges students from prestigious international design schools to create a conceptual showpiece-set, comprising of an under-wired bra and brief, dedicated to the design motto for 2008: "Female Fascination".

Triumph International is one of the world's largest underwear manufacturers. The company enjoys a presence in over 120 countries with its core brands Triumph(R), sloggi(R), Valisere(R) and HOM(R). Triumph employs more than 43,000 people and achieves a turnover of CHF 2.5 billion (2007).
For more information please contact: or call: +49-1719751293
Source: Triumph International AG

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Adri Leya and Lucy Vonne are Bustelo Cool. And Busty.

I'm not Cuban, believe it or not. I know, it's hard to believe these sensual, ample curves are purely Caucasian. But I do love Cuban coffee - especially when I don't have to exert any effort in the actual making of the coffee (brewing stuff is so exhausting). Which is why I'm obsessed with the canned Cafe Con Leche from Bustelo Cool. Lucy Vonne and I literally fist fight for the last can in the fridge when it gets to that point. Although, now that we have the Wii, we can probably just virtually box it out.

UPDATE: Ok, so I just learned that Bustelo didn't actually originate from Cuba. It was started in the Bronx by some Spanish guy. That just figures - and I thought I was being so culturalamated.

Click "Read More" to see a couple of hilarious commercials for Bustelo. They're funny because they're foreign.

Douchebags Internazionale

Homo-eroticism - delicious!

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Monday, July 28, 2008

Precious Metal: Capuchin Monk Makes Me A Believer

If you haven't already seen this divine creature in the news, shredding the stage at various metal concerts (including Gods of Metal - irony), then you're missing out. Sixty-two year old Capuchin Monk Cesare Bonizzi is the frontman for heavy metal band Fratello Metallo, and I am totally sweating him. I need to find out if he's taken an oath of celibacy, because my groupie status is currently stagnant.

Now all we need is a Rabbi to come along and one-up him. How about a little Jewish Death Metal? Baruch Atoi Adonai rhymes with "die," right?

Click "Read More" to hear Brother Bonizzi make your ears bleed in pleasure.

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Blame it on Wii!

Wow, it HAS been awhile since I blogged last - but I have a completely valid, although completely nerdy excuse: Lucy Vonne brought home a Nintendo Wii console last week. From the moment she plugged it in, we've been bowling, playing tennis, baseball, visiting the gun range (and abducted by UFOs), and Dance Dance Revolution-ing. You should see me doing DDR...I get all into it, facial expressions, hand movements - I'm a freaking pro, for reals. We've pulled muscles.

Click "Read More" for the rest of the story - and to see our Miis!!!

If you're not familiar with Nintendo Wii, part of the fun is that you get to design your own virtual players, called a Mii, and obviously Lucy Vonne and I created ones of ourselves. God we're pretty. We also created Miis of Mariah Carey, adult film star Jean Val Jean, and grabbed already-created Miis of Batman and Joker. Mariah has been a complete snob during our Wii parades, but once we create a Nick Cannon Mii I'm sure she'll be a bit more pleasant - at least she'll be getting laid, right?

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Whoah, Kawaii Mania: "Kawaii Not"

Apparently my last post on Cute Oddity spurned some sort of kawaii sickness, and now I already have a new obsession: Kawaii Not. The artist, Meghan Murphy, explains: "Kawaii Not is a four panel webcomic, typically featuring cute versions of everyday objects doing and saying some crazy stuff. Hopefully it's funny. Or maybe you're just dead inside."

Meghan Murphy, if you're reading this, we are destined to be BFF. Click "Read More" to check out some of the Kawaii Not comics!

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Fashunz: Cute Oddity, 'Kawaii' Not Actually Hawaiian Island

I'm lovin' me some Cute Oddity, a new company that designs cartoon characters inspired by kawaii, the Japanese term for cute. The recently-formed business just announced today that they will be jumping into the apparel industry by launching a full line of T-shirts and other accessories at (where else??) Comic-Con International in San Diego - and I'm jumping for joy in my kimono.

Click "Read More" to see some of these freakishly adorable designs. Who knew putting tiny faces on inanimate objects could be so charming?

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Top 3 Worst Inventions of the Week

One of my favorite blogs (running a close second to Geekologie), InventorSpot, never fails at bringing me the latest and greatest new inventions from around the world for me to make fun of. Some of this crap is so ridiculous, I sometimes begin to wish I was no longer part of the human race. I guess that's what happens when you live in a world where everything's been done - you've got to get resourceful and create things that mock our very existence.

Take the Mohawk Drink Hat from Putz Gear, for instance. To make the best of your imbibing, it's no secret that one needs some sort of headgear. I sometimes throw on my bike helmet from third grade when I go bar-hopping, 80% for safety reasons, 20% for fashion.

Click "Read More" for the other two worst inventions of the week!

Nothing says "poop" like a doorknob designed to look like poop! The gold-painted "Poignée signalétique" is shaped like feces and is made of resin, forged by French designer Florence Doleac...Ohhhhh. That explains it. Doleac says he designed the door handle so that home visitors will know which room is the bathroom, but I'll just stick to the sign I put up that says:

If you sprinkle,
when you tinkle,
be a sweet and
wipe the seat.
Or die.

Okay, so I'm still up in the air about whether or not this invention is actually one of the worst. I mean, we gals can always use more accessories - especially for our vaginas. Enter the designer sanitary napkins, Whisper Silky Soft Slims. Japan has hit such high levels of awesome that Proctor & Gamble actually decided to produce these pleasantly-decorated sanitary napkins. The pads claim to "Cheer Up a Blue Period!" I don't know about you, ladies, but being blue is the least of my worries around that time of the month - it's the gratuitous violence and the three hour sobbing/laughing fits in the home goods section of Target that are bothersome.

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

OMG. The "Watchmen" Official Trailer!

As my friends have FAILED at taking me to any other comic book/graphic novel-based movie this year, I encourage you to purchase tickets to Watchmen ahead of time and I'll put you in touch with my current (they don't last long) personal assistant, Graduation Barbie, to work something into my schedule for 2009. Huzzah for moving pictures!

If you're not familiar with the Watchmen story, here's a little blurb from Wikipedia, since I'm too lazy to construct a paraphrase:

"Watchmen is set in 1985, in an alternative history United States where costumed adventurers are real and the country is edging closer to a nuclear war with the Soviet Union (the Doomsday Clock is at five minutes to midnight). It tells the story of a group of past and present superheroes and the events surrounding the mysterious murder of one of their own. Watchmen depicts superheroes as real people who must confront ethical and personal issues, who struggle with neuroses and failings, and who—with one notable exception—lack anything recognizable as super powers. Watchmen's deconstruction of the conventional superhero archetype, combined with its innovative adaptation of cinematic techniques and heavy use of symbolism, multi-layered dialogue, and metafiction, has influenced both comics and film."

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

25th Birthday = Success!

Well I'm sure all you non-New Yorkers have been waiting in earnest to find out what happened at my birthday outing on Wednesday night - and who am I to disappoint? I'm finally detoxed and seeing straight, so I'll attempt to do a quick recap.

Twenty of some of my most favorite people joined me for debauchery and fool-making at - brace yourself - a pirate themed bar. Although I left my eye patch and live parrot at home, I did bring my raucous pirate attitude, which came in handy for the pillaging and wenching. Several pitchers of margaritas and tequila shots later, the group split up and a few of the gals and I headed around the corner to hit up a few other places. The first stop? Cheesy-ass college bar, Off The Wagon, which we would usually steer clear from (I would rather gauge my eyes out with a knitting needle than hang out there by choice) but, hell, it was my birthday, and I was up for exploiting some doucheys. To keep the story short, two interesting things happened: 1) an old married man exposed his genitalia to us in the bar and then placed it on Lucy's purse; and 2) Said married man's friend accosted me with a gross birthday kiss - twice. Getcha some, birthday girl!

Click "Read More" for a few photos from the night. Warning: they are extremely arousing.

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Brief! Celeb! Spottations! (Marisa Tomei, Sarah Paulson)

Marisa Tomei and a friend noshing at Sammy's Noodle Shop in the Village yesterday.

Sarah Paulson (Studio 60, Deadwood, The Other Sister) doing some upscale outdoor dining at French Roast, also in the Village.

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Gossip? Who ME?? Lauren Conrad Ditches Out at PFS!

Those who were at the 9th Annual Paws For Style Event at Arena in NYC this evening would recognize me as the jugtastic woman in the white t-shirt conducting the red carpet, fielding harassment from several crazy paparazzi. My favorite encounter was with a representative from the Russian TV Channel, who was clearly not invited. The Russian woman, in that thick, hateful voice, had the nerve to accuse me of not letting her into the press barricade for photos because I was against her "people." I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Lady, please don't play that card with me," and showed her the security guard. I also probably should have shown her the blueprints of my family tree, which include my plethora of Russian relatives.

But the big news of the night? Lauren Conrad completely flaked. In case you're not familiar with the event, Paws for Style is a big party and fashion show that showcases dogs and their owners (usually celebrities and socialites) on the runway in designer duds, and all the funds raised go to charity. So Lauren showed up for the red carpet, did her interviews and posed for the pap, and then, when called to walk the runway, refused to get on the stage. The worst part is that the Humane Society of New York, who are the ones benefitting from the event, paid for her flight from California and hotel at one of NYC's top spots.

Click "Read More" for the rest!

Cara, my darling little hair vixen, who was helping to run the chaos backstage, said that she overheard Lauren and her publicist talking about her scheduled runway appearance - it seemed as though she had no idea that she was scheduled to walk. Lauren then feigned tears, and with the help from her publicist minions, rushed through the crowd and down the stairs. The funny thing? Every detail of the event had been confirmed and settled wayyy before, so there was no way Lauren wasn't aware of her participation in the fashion show.

Phew. This night was absolutely crazy. Between the drama with "HellC" (oooh that's a good one - quote me! ok, but actually, i'll be honest - she was really nice when I spoke to her) and trying to please all the reporters, I'd say I deserve a nice footrub/Xanax chased with tequila.

If you were there, email me! Especially the photogs...I had a GREAT time with you all!

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Tonight's Planz: Paws For Style Fashion Event!!

Tonight is Animal Fair's 9th Annual Paws For Style Fashion Event, and I'm pretty freaking excited. Lauren Conrad (from The Hills - what are you, a cave-dweller?) will be there, and the runway will be dotted with various levels of celebrities/socialites/people I don't really recognize, and their pups. Should be an interesting time - especially trying to dress these dogs in couture, which has been donated from some of the world's top designers - Marc Jacobs, Badgley Mischka, Tory Burch, Nanette Lepore, and many fabulous others. All the proceeds go to benefit the Humane Society of New York, an organization that rescues animals and facilitates pet adoptions. I'm hoping that they will reward my volunteer efforts with a few puppies. They give those things out like candy, right?

Anyway, thank bejeebzuz for my friends. I needed a few good take-no-ish gals to help me out backstage and with press to wrangle up the "celebs." Luckily, I have a few of those in my life (birds of a feather...right?).

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Monday, July 14, 2008

Weekend Recap!

Hooray for Monday! Right?? This weekend has left me exhausted, satisfied, and without the ability to see completely straight this morning.

Friday night I rented Batman: Gotham Knight, and ate several popsicles - I know, I know, I need to simma down. Saturday I covered the Broadway Barks event for the magazine, and brought the fabulous little Lucky Diamond (Wendy's sassy rescue Maltese - not pictured here, though - that's Elvis from Greatest American Dog) with me for photo opps with the celebs. I met Dr. Ruth, which made my life. I'm going to keep her in my pocket on the weekends when I go out, so she can be like the tiny, ancient angel on my shoulder: "No gluff, no luff!"

Click "Read More" to see what else went down!!!

That evening, one of my bests, Jamie, mentioned that The Aviation Orange would be playing at some loft party in Brooklyn...and although my Hipster Senses tingled (you know, like Spidey senses), I wanted to see the band. I'm glad I did, because it was a blast, TAO rocked, and I made some new friends. My new friends and I bonded over ridiculing the strange brand of hipster gathering on the roof of the building, sitting in circles and playing bongos/guitar/maracas. Check out that photo of my new friends and Jamie (in the yellow) working it at the party.

Now, I have an AWESOME week to look forward to - tomorrow is the magazine's huge fashion event, which I'll post about later, because it truly merits its own post. Then, Wednesday night, is my birthday, which I will be celebrating with a large group of friends at a trashy pirate-themed bar. Huzzah! More later - I gots to get to work.

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

I Used To Love This Show!!! Anyone? Anyone?

I suck at math.

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Brief! Celeb! Spottations! (Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos)

TV personality Kelly Ripa and actor husband Mark Consuelos, walking briskly through Soho. Kelly was wearing an ugly floral sundress and big-ass sunglasses. Pretty boring.

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Attention Pet Freaks: Greatest American Dog Premiers TONIGHT on CBS!

Ok, so I don't watch TV. And let's face it, even if I did have cable, I probably wouldn't be watching reality shows (ok, I lie - holla Rock of Love!). But it's not every day that a friend and boss of mine actually has their own TV show, and I'm pretty psyched to see my Wendy Diamond in action on what proves to be a hilarious celebration of what I like to call crazy dog-loving middle-America at it's finest.

You can catch the premiere of the season tonight at 8pm et/pt on CBS. Hey, and, if Tillman the skateboarding bulldog goes missing at the end of the season, don't worry about it. Totally under control.

Click "Read More" to see the Greatest American Dog teaser! Hirarious.

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Wednesday, July 9, 2008

New Swet Band Alert: The Aviation Orange

I could easily be pinned as one of those people who like to claim ownership of bands, or at least their discovery. You know, one of those a-holes that's always like "Pshaw, I listened to them like 5 years ago." And here I go again with The Aviation Orange, a Brooklyn-based band that I've seen KICK ASS live. I don't like to try to convince people to like something - I like to think of myself as a provider of sorts, so I'll let you decide for yourself.

Click "Read More" for the music video for their single "Hips & Maladies." Let me know what you think - leavez the commentz!

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A Quarter Century's Worth of Adri Leya? Egads Batman!

Being the notorious attention whore that I am, I decided to write a post about my birthday. Well, to be fair, this was Lucy Vonne's suggestion, so my ego can't be totally to blame. I normally wouldn't post anything about it, except for the fact that it's a big one - I'ma be twenty freakin' five years old. As the great sage Jessica Simpson would say: "That's like, halfway to thirty."

I had one request when Lucy asked me what I wanted to do on the day of (July 16), and that was to see the Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy exhibit at the Met. And brunch, of course. I'm not super positive what to expect from the exhibit, but since it has the words "Superheroes" and "Fashion" and "Fantasy" in it, there's no way it can suck. Those are, like, three of my favorite things.

Click "Read More" to see Marvel's video about the exhibit - that pink-haired chick is the hotness!

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Saturday, July 5, 2008

Aaaand She's Back...Almost.

Well, I finally feel coherent enough (i.e. not so drugged that i wake up in pools of my own slobber/pudding) to get back at the internets, which I know has caused you all to breathe a sigh of great relief. I'll be back in the city on Monday and then back to work on Tuesday, which is a HUGE relief, considering um, I get paid per hour. And let's see how many hours I've worked the past 2 weeks - oh wait. Ha! HiLARious! In fact, I'm collecting large pieces of cardboard to build a small hut in the alley around the corner from my apartment till I gather enough rent to pay for this month, so any donations of canned bean products or blankets would be much appreciated.

On a lighter note, I'm eating SOLID FOODS now, and Ma, Pa and lil' bro are having a belated fake barbecue to celebrate, since I missed all the Fourth of July festivities (what a family, right??) - they're grilling me up a veggie dog and a cob o' corn right at this very moment. Does anyone even understand the joy this brings me? If we are what we eat, these past couple of weeks have turned me right into a mac n' cheese/soft serve ice cream surprise...

Anyway, as soon as the daily fevers/throat closing subsides, I will be good to go and back at it, also to the excitement to some of the staff at the salon, who apparently question the fact that I'm sick in the first place. Oh, you're right, managerial staff, I'm totally on vacation. Feverish nights, the inability to speak, and fiery bursts of pain emanating from a tumor-like gland in the side of my neck is certainly the equivalent to stretching out on a warm, sunny beach, listening to the waves lap at my toes. I also truly, truly enjoy missing weeks of my hourly wages so that I cannot afford to live. This, my friends, is a fucking vacayyyyy! Woooo!

Well, I'm off. Off to a land of food that I can chew! Infinite joy!

Oh, and here are the two movies I'm watching with the fam tonight, in case you were curious:

Ninja Scroll (1993)

And holy crap, a new release!

Vantage Point (2008)

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Friday, July 4, 2008

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Stuff I'm Watching While I'm Home Sick

Rounders (1998)

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