Monday, June 30, 2008

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Happy Blogtime on Brief, Un-Happy Blogtime Hiatus

So remember that swollen gland I referred to in my last post? Yeah, not just a swollen gland. It got so inflamed and so freakin' painful that I went to the doctor to see what the heck was going on, or to see if I had to do some impromptu stabbing of my own neck to make the pain go away. What, not a good idea? Turns out I have an acute tonsil infection, which in turn infects and enlarges the neck cervical lymph nodes, which has made me unable to swallow or speak normally for the past 4 or 5 days (normal, everyday skills that I usually am very proud of. Booyah!). Cough cough.

Not to whine like a little baby (ok, fine, but it's my blog, I'm allowed to - RIGHT?) but every time I go through the motion of swallowing - be it water, normal mouth-spit, food, what-have-you - it feels like I'm being tasered from the inside of my neck/head in a wonderful yet throbbing, burning mess kind of way. And if you put your hand up to my neck, you'll feel a tangerine-sized lump that kinda pulsates. I'm just waiting for it to burst open with some tiny alien creature hoping to dominate humanity.

Anyway, this slight distraction will mean fewer posts over the next week, so I just wanted to give a heads up, and not to worry/be devastated if it looks like I've abandoned the bloggins. In the meantime, go read Sexy Time with Lucy Vonne - she is a sexy time genius!

I keep searching for some medical website to tell me it's okay to take some serious medications on top of the antibiotics - oh lookey! It says topical anesthetics are sometimes used! What are topical anesthetics.

P.S.: Did you know that tonsillitis can also be caused by Vincent's vagina?

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Thursday, June 26, 2008

Japanese Woman Defies All Stereotypes, Creates Awesome Cartoon Acrylic Nails

I’ve felt like total ass for the past few days, which would explain my lack-o-bloggins. I still feel really under the weather (could it be because of the gigantic swollen gland jutting out of my neck?) but I couldn’t leave y’all without something to entertain you for Happy Blogtime…am I right? AM I RIGHT?? Wow, looks like the WhateverQuil has kicked in.

Anyway, since I don’t have the energy to be too creative, I thought I’d share with you this awesome entry from my new favorite blog: A Rinkya Blog ( I wasn’t planning on posting anything today, but when I saw this, I knew I had no choice; my affinity for ghetto-ass nails and Japanese culture have been intertwined so magically that I couldn’t resist sharing it. Check it: an acrylic set from Japan painted with Hayao Miyazaki characters from Spirited Away. Blows my mind.

Rinkya found the nail art stuff here, but I've collected some of my favorites below - click "Read More" to see! You gotta take a look at the Terminator set and the Gustav Klimt's. Holy crap.

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Monday, June 23, 2008

Brief! Celeb! Spottations! (Mary Kate Olsen)

Either Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen (I honestly can't tell the difference, but Lucy's adamant that it was Ashley) with three girlfriends at the Lit Lounge tonight. Some tourist dude tried to go up to her to meet her when she stepped outside, but a bouncer intervened and caused a serious raucous, even though she kept saying, "It's okay! It's okay!" I kind of feel bad for those girls - they seem like pretty normal chicks, and they'll never be able to just go out with their friends and have a regular, low-key night. Le sigh.
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Best. Brooklyn. Find. Ever: Ralph's Famous Italian Ices

Since last week marked the first official day of summer - even though I've been sweating my veritable balls off for the past month - I thought I'd explore the wonders that are summer treats. On the usual once-a-week trip to the Bagel Store at Graham (home of the French Toast Bagel with frosting cream cheese - I'm going to name a sex position after it), Lucy Vonne and I decided to take a gander at the rest of the bustling neighborhood. In what seemed like a brief moment of wonder, a beacon of light shone through the rows of Khim's Millenium Markets (Brooklynites, you know what I'm talkin' bout) - sourcing from a bright blue and white awning boasting "Ralph's - the World's finest Italian Ices."

From sugar-free selections to full out fatty-ass ice creams, Ralph's Famous Italian Ices has an impressive menu: stuff like Mai Tai, Citrus Twister, Margarita, Root Beer, and Bubble Gum, but I decided to go old school with a sugar-free cherry ice. With all that icy, sweet goodness, and bright red lips that caused people to mistake me for a Chanel counter-girl, I vowed to return every week to explore the next wonderful flavor of my choosing.

Yeah, so Ralph's is a franchise, with like 70 locations around New York and New Jersey, but just let Lucy Vonne and I have this moment of discovery, alright? Delicious.

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Brief! Celeb! Spottations! (Bobby Cannavale, Britney Gastineau)

Bobby Cannavale (Fast Food Nation, Snakes on a Plane) and a cute blonde date at Fat Cat in the Village...

Britney Gastineau (of the E! reality show Gastineau Girls) at Florencia 13 in Soho - walked in, walked out when she saw how crowded it was - but we were at the front table, sucka!

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Friday, June 20, 2008

Unicorns DO Exist!!! In Your Face!

Well, it's about time that the mainstream media finally stopped giving unicorns the shaft (budumdum-ching!). Last week the news reported some photos and video of a beautiful baby unicorn found in a nature reserve in Prato, Italy. Now, this enchanting creature is clearly the result of a tryst between a pure-bred unicorn and a Roe Deer, as you can tell by it's deer-like qualities, but it's for certain a real unicorn. Click "read more" to check out the video of my soon-to-be pet. Wow, flights to Italy are freakin' expensive.

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Thursday, June 19, 2008

Adri Leya + Geekologie Writer 4-Eva

By now, dear blog readers, you know how much of a nerd I truly am (crushes on cartoons? desire for strange mechanical creatures?). So you shan't be shocked to hear that I have an infatuation with a very, very special website - a web destination that has captured my heart (vagina):

It's my new daily fix, and satisfies my craving for disturbing new technology, cartoons, superheroes, and all things strange and wonderful.

Though the Geekologie writer touches upon a plethora of awesome stuff, my recent favorite has been the coverage of "The Balloon Guy" in the article Master Chief Made Entirely Out of Balloons. This "Balloon Guy," or, as I like to call him, Owner of My Soul and Every Desire, constructs life-size balloon sculptures of things like animals, people, and cartoons. My favorites? The balloon creations of Mario, TMNTs, and Transformers, and BATMAN! Check these suckers out!

I've put out a commission to the Balloon Guy for the entire TMNT crew and a lil' bit o' Splinter and Shredder. I want to get some balloon ass-kicking going before we all lie down for a nice, long "nap."

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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Bosslady on "Living Lohan"???

Sooooo I just found out that the awesome Wendy Diamond (my boss at the magazine) was on this past episode of E!'s Living Lohan - you know, the reality show that showcases Dina "The Teeth" Lohan and her sweet parenting skillz. In case you've been living under a rock/armoire/and-or without cable (like Lucy Vonne and myself - we will take donations, btw), Dina is the proud mama of notorious party-girl Lindsay Lohan and budding singer/actress Ali Lohan. Click "Read More" to get the full scoop!

Wendy was there to do a photo shoot and interview with Ali and Dina at the Lo's Long Island home for the magazine (coming out this next issue with all my stuff in it - Summer '08!), along with the fabulous Zandy Mangold as photog and, of course, Ms. Lucky Diamond (crazy-fantastic Maltese that "lovingly" brawled with the Lohan's dogs). Check out the clip - and please take note how D-Lo completely disregards her daughter's allergic reaction. Dina Lohan, Mom of the Year, 2008!

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Monday, June 16, 2008

Ramblin' Part Deux: Pom, Poop, and Pop (Culture)

Boy, "working from home" sure is tiring. All that napping and internet-surfing really takes its toll. I also stumbled upon this amazing photo that Lucy and Steve took of me when I feel asleep and they put silly putty in my mouth. Really "ha ha" funny.

Anyway, thank jeebzuz I had some time between "work" to pull together some thoughts for a blogizzle. A few things worth mentioning:

1) I'm excited that Pom changed the bottles to their delectable Iced Teas. If you're not familiar, Pom Iced Tea came in a container that could be re-used as a drinking glass once you were done with it, but after 32 of those damn things end up sitting in your cabinet, there comes a point when you just have to suck it up and get rid of them. Now they come in recyclable plastic bottles, which makes them way more portable and, in turn, more delicious. The Wildberry Light flavor is my all time favorite and has only 35 calories per serving, for those of you who keep track. Not like I have to - I have a perfect, svelte bodice.

Pom Iced Tea Before

Pom Iced Tea Now

2) Yesterday at Senor Swanky's (we keep it high-brow in herre), I was sitting outside with my new pal Cara sipping black cherry margaritas, when suddenly she gasped (laughed) in horror - a bird had pooped on my head. I know what you're thinking - no freaking way this happens twice in two weeks! Luckily, it just turned out to be a piece of white tile from the roof that a pigeon carefully dropped onto my ponytail. Looks like that devil pigeon has followed me about town just to mess with me. One of these days, pigeon, you'll get yours!

3) I don't usually like to pluck items from the MSN homepage, but you know my affinity for weird creatures, and I had to post this. It's called the Stysen i-Knock B01 Personal Instant Messaging Notifier - basically, you plug it into your computer and this little alienesque plastic character begins to shout phrases, lights up and then starts bashing itself in the head when you get an instant message. The folks at i-Knock prefer to call it "hammering," but let's just call it what it really is - self mutilation. You know, this reminds me of the time I made Lucy stand by my computer and whack herself in the face with a pole everytime I received a Gmail message. Perhaps i-Knock got the idea from moi?

4) WTF Barbie? I hated you before, but now I really hate you - and so does PETA. I walk by this fur shop window everyday in Soho, and I just had to share the ridiculousness. They're like freakish large-breasted Ewoks with purses.

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Saturday, June 14, 2008

Thursday Evening's Outing: Busted Night, Busted Knee

As you know, Lucy and I headed out to the supposed "birthday celebration" for DMC (from Run DMC) on Thursday night, and holy crap, was this not one of the worst planned events I've ever shown up to.

The bartenders at The Plumm, first of all, had no idea that there was supposed to be open bar. Do you think Adri Leya and Lucy Vonne show up to events this early because we have nothing better to do? No. I told the bartender to go ask her manager about it, because, hell, we didn't come all the way out to 8th Ave to pay $15 a drink. The girl returned saying that she guesses it is open bar and that the free beverage would be well vodka. Well vodka? Not so well. There's a reason why it's called "well," because it tastes like it's pulled up via bucket and rope from the underground.

We left the venue immediately, at the chagrin of the four other attendees - hoochies draped over the couches, sipping their fruity drinks, waiting for DMC to arrive so they could hump his leg.

We needed to rid ourselves of the douchebag smell from The Plumm, so we headed off to a dive bar a few buildings over, which, in reality, is where Lucy and I feel most comfortable - thank you, Boston, for setting our standards. Donning my black skirt and super-high red heels, we traipsed triumphantly through the door of the dive - and I took a dive. It was one of the greatest tripping sequences I've ever had, frankly. My heel got stuck in one of the three stairs going down into the bar, and my feet hit the ground several times, but each time I would scramble for balance but end up still falling. I think the actual fall took a good thirty seconds, which is an incredible feat. I was the primary entertainment for the twenty-five or so bar patrons, and I was proud.

With bruised knee and ego, we subwayed it home about an hour later and ended up eating organic popcorn and watching some new porn movie she got from work. Here's hoping that the next event isn't such a bust.

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Thursday, June 12, 2008

Tonight's Planz: DMC's Birfday

Finally, another cool event to go to so that I can blog about it. Wow, sad. Anyway, DMC (from legendary hip hop group Run DMC) is having a birthday, and he's...

going to be performing, along with a few DJs. Sweet, I think for my birthday I will have a performance as well - a little karaoke action, a little interpretive dance, if you will.

Tonight should be a good time - open bar from 10-11pm. So Lucy and I will be there promptly at 9:59 to begin double-fisting (ie. each going up to the bar, getting two drinks, bringing it over to the table, then going back for more) for a good hour.

Photos and stories after the jump tomarrah!

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Work-work-workin' it.

Gah! What a busy two days I've been having - you can probably tell by the minimal posting. Yeah, I'm a blogging machine/nerd and I can't live up to those expectations. Dammit. But you'll be happy to know that I'm actually working on exciting stuff...

I'm psyched to have the Wendster (Wendy Diamond) back in the office, and we'll be seeing a lot of her around the next month or so once Greatest American Dog, her show on CBS, premiers. It's supposed to be one of the top new reality shows of the summer, and I'm kinda interested in seeing what happens with it.

We're also working on this big doggy fashion event in July hosted by Lauren Conrad, with an impressive handful of designers (Marc Jacobs, Tory Burch, Mark Ecko, Badgley Mischka, and many others that I can't afford. woh woh!) and a healthy spattering of celebs. All the proceeds go to the Humane Society of New York, so we're hoping to garner a lot of press for the cause.

Anywhooooo, Lucy and I (and hopefully Jamie...where the hell are you, girl!!) are going to a verrry cool event tomorrow, which I will post about tomorrow. So stayyyy tooooned!

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008 I am not kidding.

There are so many jokes I could make about this...but I thought I'd just leave it up to you. Because I am overwhelmed.
Click "Read More" to read the press release about this amazing, amazing website. 

Press Release

Jun 10, 2008 09:00 ET

Embarrass Your Co-workers; Make Yourself Look Cool and Your Friends Look Like Dweebs all With a Few Clicks of the Mouse on

LISBON, June 10/PRNewswire/ -- Haven't you ever wanted to see what you'd look like as Harry Potter, James Bond, Paris Hilton, one of the Rolling Stones or even Shrek? Well now you can with

If you have ever gone to a fair or a carnival party and got your picture taken in a scenario where they had a girl in a bikini or a muscled hunk with their face cut out, then you know the drill.

With this great free web application you can easily select a scenario among hundreds available and then upload a picture or use your web cam to place your face in the set. After that you can resize, rotate or adjust skin tones to make it look authentic. You can even add comic-like balloons to make your picture look funnier.

Use it to make birthday cards, to play a prank or just to have fun. In addition you can easily add the pictures to your Facebook or MySpace profile. also collaborates with companies and media agencies to provide great viral marketing campaigns.

You can access the online media kit (available in English) with high-resolution photos by using the link below or by visiting FACEinHOLE's website and selecting media on the bottom menu.

About is based in Lisbon, Portugal. It was founded in 2008 and is privately held. The company develops a viral application that allows users to insert their faces in predefined scenarios creating a personalized picture that can be sent by email or embedded in a social network profile.

# # #

I'll show you face in hole! Had to say it.

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Monday, June 9, 2008

Daddy Dearest: A Father's Day Gift Guide

In the spirit of Father's Day, I thought I'd pull together a little list for those of you still stumped on what to get your favorite paternal figure - no matter what his type!

Click "Read More" for the full Happy Blogtime! 2008 Father's Day Gift Guide!

For the "Man's Man" Dad
Nothing says "I'm a man" like meat...and hunting your own with a trajectory weapon. This crossbow package from The Sportsman's Guide ( comes with arrows and other shooting stuff, and you can get it all for $399.97.

For the Awesome Dad (Like Mine! Love you Daddy!!)
If your Dad's a saint - send him to Heaven! I'm Jewish, so I don't believe in Heaven (sorry, God)..but what the hey, better safe than sorry! Reserve a spot in Heaven for your Dad at - it's 100% guaranteed or your money back! Can't lose.

For the Dad That Left You
Show him you're A-OK without him! Glamour Shots will do the trick. You can even make a collage of several photos of you winning awards, scoring points at games, or just being great. See, Daddy, you shouldn't have left me!

For Your Two Gay Dads

For the Dad in Jail
Though the first thought would be a delicious cake with a little somethin' extra in it (see: nail file), a little innovation really shows you care. Temporary tattoos are a great way for your Dad to have fun and get some "ink" in the slammer, and compare with all of his friends!

For the Single Dad
A bachelor always needs some eye candy to keep up his game, and your Dad's no different. Sexy calendars, a full year's membership to, or a subscription to Juggs Magazine will show your true support of his singledom.

For The Verbally Abusive Dad
Add some hilarity to the verbal bashings! Finally, for the Dad who loves to "voice" his opinions: this wacky Multi Voice-Changer by Tech Gear offers a variety of voices, ranging from "Alien" to "Robot" and many more!

Now go out and make Papa proud - happy gifting!

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Sunday, June 8, 2008

Smokey the Bear is HAWT...Like Fire?

As you may know, I'm a HUGE fan of sexy inanimate objects/animated fanfare (TMNT, Batman: Animated Series, etc.). Well, will you lookey at Smokey the Bear's makeover? Apparently he got "extremed" a few days ago, and d-d-d-damn, Smokey, you looking fine. I'm pretty much the only one who can prevent forest fires, so I'm positive I'll have an in with the Smokester when he gets all my letters/emails/locks of hair.

Click "Read More" to see vids of my hot new boyfriend kicking some stupid wildfire-causing ace.

Smokey was pretty fly during his 'ghetto fabulous' phase (you know me and those bad boys!):

And as the source of my childhood nightmares:

And as a cross-dresser:

Smokey, if you're reading this, CALL ME. I swear I'll stop building hay-forts in the woods and lighting firecrackers in them.

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Fashunz: Wha's KID SISTER Rocking this Summer?

When I saw Kid Sister open for Chromeo last year at Studio B in Brooklyn, I knew I had found The One - the one chick who would finally rep street fashion and bring it to mainstream, even for us really white girls. Seeing her grip that mic with those long-ass jeweled acrylics made me want to get a set - and get unicorns painted on them. With rainbows. And glitter.

If you've seen Kid Sister spit, you know she's got that inimitable hood style - so of course I had to ask her what she'll be wearing. I'm a follower, clearly. Click "read more" to see more fashunz!

So what will KS be rocking during the sweltering New York dog-days?
"Not a bra! Maybe my orange Rachel Comey sandals... can't nobody touch them." It's okay, KS, I won't be wearing a bra either.

Rachel Comey ( sandals like the ones pictured above go for between $200-$400, but it's a small price to pay to join the fashion ranks of our main Sister, David Bowie, Courtney Love (ok, kind of a crack-rabbit), and countless others who sweat her style. Gimme!

Some other Fashunz staples the Kid Sis works:

Brights & Neon.

Retro Shadez.

Nailz. (obvs)


I'll leave you with the street diva in action in my fave KS music video, "Pro Nails" (featuring Kanye West) while I go get mah set airbrushed:

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Saturday, June 7, 2008

Juice Box With No Straw = Confusion.

Does anybody remember the juice box that bitch-slapped all other juice boxes?

Marketed as the juice box for "adults," BoKu was bigger than the others and had no straw, just a peel-back spout.

Circa 1989, I would steal these juice boxes from my parents, and I would think: "Finally, I am fully grown - my juice box is larger than before, and has no puny straw to stifle me from my full juice-drinking capabilities." I became a woman when I drank my first BoKu.

Anyway, nobody could figure out why adults needed their own juice box (boxes of wine I totally understand), and the product folded shortly after its inception. What a sad, sad day that was for Richard Lewis.

Check out this guy's rant on BoKu, hilarity:

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Thursday, June 5, 2008 is For You: Writing You of Blog, Friendly Taste!

Ok, so I'm a nerd. We all know this. But nothing tickles my fancy more than poor English - I've been known to head down to Chinatown for a few laughs, and even some purchases (score one - a small pillow with a cartoon bear saying "Friend is You Forever"). So when I discovered, my world imploded. Here are a few of my favorites from the site - you can click on each image to see a bigger version, FYI. Enroy!!

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Wednesday, June 4, 2008

"The Promotion": Definitely a Renter

I'm not going to waste too much time talking about this movie, as I just spent an hour and a half of my life kinda wishing I was doing something else (like sleeping, or collage-ing something). I will say it wasn't bad, like Nine Months bad, but it's definitely a sign of a snoozer when, as the closing credits roll, you and your fellow movie-goer simultaneously say how pissed you would be if you had to have paid for it.

This Steve Conrad-directed film heads to the Chicago area to follow a good-intentioned, hard-working grocery store Assistant Manager named Doug (Sean William Scott). Told that he's the "shoe-in" for a management position opening up at a new store location, Doug confidently decides to pursue a long-time dream of buying a house with his supportive, loving wife (Jenna Fischer). Enter Richard (John C. Reilly), a genuinely likable Assistant Manager transplant from a sister chain in Canada, who brings on some "friendly" competition for the Management role. Jealousy ensues, tricks are pulled, and both men discover their levels of morality and what they're willing to risk for this promotion.

Why it's a "renter" and not a "don't see": great acting, directing, and character development. These people made a story out of virtually nothing, and tossed emotions at you where you least expected them. Both mains were equally lovable, pitiable, and frustrating at the same time, and their problems were real. John C. Reilly, as always, was brilliant (I can never hate on Reilly - he looks like a Shar Pei), and flew with this role of awkward, flawed teddy bear.

The laughs weren't constant, but peppered throughout the film a bit weakly - I would have liked to see more funny stuff more often. Though there were some chuckle-worthy phrases, facial expressions and situations, there were too few and none strong enough to balance out the tragedy (in the Greek sense).

If I had more time to analyze the film and appreciate whatever symbolism and character flaws were showcased, I'm pretty sure it would get an improved rating. But for now, my review is as stands: put it on the Netflix queue.

P.S.: Yes, I did see Sean William Scott; he was there watching the flick with the rest of us, eating a large popcorn. He apparently was not sharing his snack with whatever emaciated non-celeb girl he brought as a date. Damn skinny bitches; is that all you need to be to score a celebrity? Pass me the laxatives.

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Tonight's Planz: Do It With Stiffler

This is one advanced screening I'm actually pretty psyched about (right up there with Kung Fu Panda - don't front!); The Promotion looks effing funny! Directed by Steven Conrad (who wrote The Pursuit of Happyness) and starring John C. Reilly, Sean William Scott, Jenna Fischer, Lili Taylor, Gil Bellows and Fred Armisen, the movie promises to at least be entertaining if not hirarious.

By tonight/early tomorrow morning I'll have a full review of the movie, plus some tidbits from a Q & A with Sean William Hott (sorry about that). I'll also be at the after party with the cast in Soho, so you best expect some photos and ass-grabbing on my behalf.

Here's the trailer:

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Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Brief! Celeb! Spottations! (Whitney Port, Colin Quinn)

Whitney Port of The Hills in Soho at Italian restaurant I Tre Merli with a 5-person or so MTV camera crew. They'd cleared out the entire restaurant so they could film; how's that for reality?

And on the NRW going downtown from 3rd, Colin Quinn hopped on the subway with a buddy. I debated sitting on his lap, but I thought that would be scary/weird.
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Fashunz: Spring '08 Brings Crack Couture Back from the 80's

In an effort to keep abreast of the latest fashion trends (that I cannot afford and, if anything, hit up H&M for rip-off versions), I occasionally check out what Vogue has to say about updating my closet. I'm always endlessly amused at some of the cited "trends," and this time, the fashion royalty has really outdone themselves.

This facet of the Spring 2008 Style Trends collection is one my faves: looks like they hopped in the Delorean, jetted to the 80's, and invaded a tranny hooker's boudoir. I like bondage and cross-dressing just as much as the next middle-class Jewish gal, but wear these get-ups to a party? Yes, please!

And let's be honest; I would totally rock that Maison Martin Margiela sequin jacket with the shoulder pads to like, a polo match or Kokie's or something. Thoughts??

Karl Lagerfield

House of Holland

Matthew Ames

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