Friday, May 30, 2008

City of New York Sponsors Girls' Ride Home

So this party last night was at a bar called The Upstairs. It was upstairs. When we first got there, things were a bit whack - the door guy analyzed my I.D. like it was Tolstoy. I got a little impatient and started dictating what was on it, like birth date, etc., and he told me to simma down and that he was just doing his job. He said, "I'm speaking English, right?" and I said, "Well I don't really know for sure, you could be speaking another language, because sometimes I dream in other languages and this could be a dream." And he said, "Get upstairs," and I said, "Peace out with your crease out."

Above is a hot pic of Lucy and I making some painfully forced faces, with my boobs attacking her boobs. My boobs won.

Once the bottle service got poppin', the night advanced in its awesomeness by at least 200%.

At $800 a pop, The Gay Goose was a'flowin (I call it that because there were about 2 straight guys there, and even they were questionable. You love me W!), and we kinda would just go up to somebody's table and help ourselves like a bunch of assholes. Hoorah!

Christian Siriano (Project Runway champ) was there with his photog bf; see snap below for an action shot of our conversation - clearly the camera guy didn't know when to press the button. And who is that random dude in the background who appears to be licking my head?

After Lucy and I left the party at around 2ish, we brought a dream to fruition. You see, every time we are on our way home from something, we always muse over what a money-saver it would be if we did something mildly obnoxious/illegal so that the cops would drive us back to Brooklyn. Well, Grey Goose bedamned, we approached some hot uniformed men who just happened to be around the corner from the club, (who shall remain nameless, and I won't reveal which uniform it was - could it be a fireman? an ambulance? you will never know!) and coerced them into giving us a ride. They dropped us off at Union Square and we hopped on the subway from there, laughing maniacally. Thank you, city of New York!

Once on the subway, Lucy and I were serenaded by a Spanish guy with no teeth. Here he is singing an amalgamation of Stairway to Heaven and something that sounded a lot like William Hung's version of "She Bangs."

Another plus, my manicure held up, even though the Asian lady laughed when I picked out the bright raspberry Essy color "Your nails so short, it will look like little candies on your fingers!" Listen, lady, I don't pay you to talk.


Anonymous said...


Bobby Fisher said...

I am a little sad that there was absolutely no mention of BOMBIN' Magazine who provided both of the straight men at the party. Oh well, 1 1/2 at least.

fenris370 said...

Glad u got home safe. Hope u enjoyed the ride!

Mr. Uniform

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